"List Your Accomplishments" and other difficult questions...

This morning, while filling out an online job application, I came across a question that I just didn't know how to answer:

Q: Please list your accomplishments in this position:

I couldn't think of one single thing! Seriously! So I gave them the only answer I knew for a fact:
A: I got out of bed every day.

Here are a few more questions I wasn't sure I answered correctly:

Q: What is your work objective:
A: To leave the house at the same time every day so my neighbors don't think I'm a slacker.

Q: What was your reason for leaving?
A: Not enough drawer space for my lipstick and carmex.

Q: In which state do you reside?
A: Dual residency in Anxiety and Depression, with occasional trips to Incredible Sadness

Q: What type of position do you feel would be a best fit for you?
A: Circus Freak Show

I don't think I'll get the job. Gotta work on those application questions.